David Lynch Teaches Typing, a free game from developer Hyacinth Nil and writer Luke Palmer, is a terrible way to learn to write.
For starters: if you are a child and still do not know how to use a keyboard, why are you familiar with the work of David Lynch? You are not ready! I am 24 years old and I am not ready. That's why I've seen only two episodes of Twin Peaks and 30 minutes of Blue Velvet, which I turned off because I was too nervous to continue. (I do not even think I'm out of place with that! It's so disturbing!) For children, there are many ways to learn to write and most of them involve enjoyable things like skateboards and astronauts.
If you are an adult and have not yet learned to write, you have still spent enough time watching television and listening to boring dinner conversations about tweets to have a fractured brain with no possibility of repair, which will make it difficult for you to sit down. through a glacially slow tutorial marked by moments of disorienting surrealism.
But you can have fun playing David Lynch Teaches Typing if you're a David Lynch fan. I read David Foster Wallace's essay on him once, which contains this remarkable anecdote:
The first time I look at the real David Lynch on the set of his movie, he's pissing on a tree. This is in [January 8th] in the Griffith Park of L.A., where some of the exteriors and driving scenes of Lost Highway are being filmed. He is standing in the bristling brush of the dirt road between the trailers of the base camp and the set, urinating on a stunted pine. Mr. David Lynch, a prodigious coffee drinker, apparently pee and often, and neither he nor the production can afford the time it would take to run the long line of trailers from base camp to the trailer where the toilets are every time he needs to pee
When I was in elementary school, our "computer teacher" told us that we could have any job, literally anyone, that we wanted in the modern market, as long as we could write 80 words per minute. I can write 98, and she was not right. But thanks to David Lynch and friends, today I had the incredible opportunity to think about how successful I was at nine years old.